I entered here
THe daughter of a daughter and a son.
He came
The son of a son and a daughter -
We are of the same stuff
We share the self-same human blood
This love I stand upon around the sinking sand, and sigh -
This is my pixel within the collective mind, communal body, these unknown organs empowering my spirit
I love him as I love my own two hands, my blood; and, all together, love -
Isn't this enough?
11 comments:
Did you write this one? or is this the one he gave you?
Also, I personally think that the poem is lacking in description. The line :This is my pixel within the collective mind, communal body, these unknown organs empowering my spirit is not supported that much... it seems kinda vague and out there like appearing without a base if ya know what I mean.
And if this is the poem that will be copied into his yearbook, it will do fine. The word love basically conveys enough of a message.
Yes.. that is all I have to say. And in you poem copying yearbook idea, is your idea to confess and leave it be or confess and get a reaction? If you do not want a reaction and to just admit, then how will he get the poem without reading it before school is out. Most people read their comments as soon as they enter the yearbook. Just think over the plan as the the ink is permanent.
That was my longest comment eva...... wow
very good insight... thanks, Velonica! I'm excited to continue this poetry thing. And no, this is not the poem he wrote me, nor is it the one I intend to give him. It's about fraternal love with a guy I've known forever and how I felt when it turned out he was interested in me in other ways. How does this sound?
I am my own pixel within the collective mind, communal speaking body, these unknown international organs that gave me love
I rather like it, I must admit. Just wrote that now. I am really excited to get feeback now! Yippee! Thanks so much. Let me know what you think, everybody.
Hm... what is my intent with the yearbook thing? To fantasize, mostly. I doubt I will do anything. But you do present an interesting quandary. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks a lot, Velonica - now I can agonize even more! I think it will come down to how brave I'm feeling then.
Oh, I didn't mean to add to your worries! And as for the part where you said it is about fraternal love with a guy you've known forever and how you felt when it turned out he was interested in you in other ways, I feel does not quite describe you and MMMHYDPS mans relationship....
ACK!!!! NOT ABOUT THAT!!!! JUST POETRY!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF POETRY!!!! AND I DON'T CARE!!!! I want no more of your nonsense, Kaltez Herz. I'm thoroughly sick of it.
I argee with Kalted Herz on the word stuff...seems very out of place
I have to say I like the stuff... it adds something of the prosaic to what would otherwise be a very trippy poem, for lack of a better word. It brings it back and gives it some respectability. IDK... that's why I asked for your comments - to help me evaluate.
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